Hi, all. It’s me, Madeline. Listen, Mommy doesn’t know I’m on the computer but I need your help straightening out this whole piggie situation.

I just don’t know about this piggie story. First of all, when we sing other songs, they’re called TOES, as in “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and TOES.” Why are they suddenly pigs when that Mommy lady wants me to laugh? It’s not even all that funny. Second of all, the pig on Old McDonald’s farm says, “oink oink,” and I have never heard these pigs/toes make a sound.

Maybe they oink while I’m asleep. I’ve been trying to avoid naps so I would be awake to hear them, but I just get so stinkin’ sleepy when we get in the car!

Another thing I don’t understand is, why does the big one go to market and leave the other one at home? Personally, I’ve never seen it go anywhere. It’s always there when I check. And, that big, fat one looks like it might be the one eating all the roast beef. Maybe the third piggie just has a really fast metabolism.

And, what’s wrong with the last piggie? Why is he crying “wee wee wee” all the way home? Is it “wee,” as in little or “we,” as in you and me? Perhaps he’s a French pig and he’s crying “oui, oui, oui” all the way home. I wonder where he’s coming home from.

Here’s the problem. I think that Mommy lady might be lying to me about this piggie business. Can anyone verify that this story is legit? Thanks.

Next week, we’ll talk about what kind of parent lets their baby sleep in a treetop. No wonder the poor kid fell out! Sheesh!